There is much talk of tantra these days but few, if asked, "What is tantra?" could come up with a clear answer. The word suggests mystery, spirituality, and techniques for deeper and more lasting pleasure. Sting is known for practicing tantra and making love for seven hours straight.
Tantra offers an antidote to pornography with its portrayal of sex as a "dirty," purely physical act, lacking in authentic intimate connection. Pornography is created for the male sexual appetite and shows men and women having sex the way many men think they want it and which is generally not actually enjoyable to real women.
Sex in porn is rough, rushed, disconnected, and impersonal. Pornography trains men to objectify women's bodies and be insensitive lovers. This perception can be felt by a woman in how he speaks to her and touches her. When he treats her this way, she will not reveal her "goddess" nature to him. A man may grab a woman's breast just because he lusts after it, forgetting that there is a human being with feelings connected to it.
Meanwhile, one third of all women have been sexually abused and all women have felt violated by unwanted sexual attention, For this reason, most women are hard-wired to close up when she feels that a man sees her as a sex object only, unless she has low self-esteem and thinks that that is the only way that she can get attention.
I don't know a single woman who likes a man to say things to her like, "Hey baby, I want to see your tits." Or, "Sit on my face." Unless, perhaps she is at a fetish party or practicing role play in an already established relationship needing some variety to spice it up. Women may pretend to enjoy this language because we are brought up to want to please men. However, you won't experience the best a woman is able to share sexually when you use this kind of approach.
I see many, many men whose wives will no longer have sex with them. There are many reasons for this epidemic in married couples. One of them is easily treatable: sometimes the man simply doesn't know how to touch the woman in a way that she can relax and truly open to him. When we are touching another, we are always either opening them or closing them. If you pay attention, it is easy to tell which one you are doing. If she is contracting her body or moving away from you, you are probably touching her too aggressively. If she is relaxing and opening her body then she is likely enjoying herself and opening to you. I enjoy teaching men how to connect or re-connect with a woman emotionally and how to touch her in a way that she will want to give herself to him and let him take her to high levels of pleasure.
Unless there is an extremely high level of arousal before the partners sexually engage, most women require a slower, gentler, teasing touch in order to get aroused. Women are turned by feelings of bonding. Therefore, we respond to a loving touch where we feel honoured, cared for and seen, even worshipped. Then, once we are open, it can be pleasurable to touch more vigorously.
Women like variation in the sexual act. Most of us like it hard and furious only after we've been teased and opened up slowly. If our private areas are touched too quickly before we are adequately lubricated, we can lack sensation and it can even be painful. If you try to enter us too quickly, we'll close up like a purse and then it can be very hard to get us open again.
Most men touch themselves the same way each and every time and haven't changed their technique since they first started self-pleasuring. As a result, they often have sex the same way each time, often with repetitive strokes without variation. I like to show men how varying the way in which they pleasure themselves can open them up to varying the way they have sex and increase sensation for both themselves and the woman they are with.
Conventional sex has release as its goal. One is often left feeling depleted afterwards, wanting to sleep, smoke, or take space. Tantra is about feeling the connection within yourself and with the other, energetically, throughout the body and the chakras. Together, you slowly build the sexual energy to what I call the "Orgasmic Zone" or the "O Zone" which is right before the "point of no return." The art is to learn how to linger in this zone for as long as possible. In this zone there is no space and time and you move together as one in ecstasy. With the breath, with visualizations and by contracting the PC muscle (Kegel muscle), you can spread this orgasmic energy through your body so that every part of your body feels erotic. Even your cheek is gently kissed and you are having profound, ecstatic sensations. Love making becomes more than just a physical act.
In tantric sex, you awaken on many levels and connect deeply with your partner. It is possible for both men and women to be multi-orgasmic although it usually takes about six months for a man to train himself to get there. I recommend Mantak Chia's book, "The Multi-orgasmic Man" for detailed exercises on how to become multi-orgasmic or even just learning how to extend your "O Zone." Tantra offers an alternative in teaching about "warm sex" as an alternative to "hot sex." Hot sex is like a hot fire that explodes but then burns out quickly. Warm sex burns slowly and lasts a long time.I teach these concepts through touching you slowly, sensually, and teasingly so that you can experience the deeper levels of arousal that are possible when you relax and surrender.
In my tantric massage sessions, I begin with a feather light touch that wakes up your skin, builds trust, and heightens your sensual sensitivity so that you feel more deeply. Light, subtle touches produce profound sensations. Feather light touch is easy to learn and will drive your lover wild. The session progresses into a Swedish oil massage where you relax and luxuriate further. We build the energy and then rest, build and sublime the energy up your chakras.
I can teach you specific techniques to help you last so that your ecstasy is no longer a fleeting moment but a passionate ocean in which you learn to swim...for long distances!I look forward to introducing you to new levels of ecstatic bliss and, if you like, teaching you how to make these moments a part of your sex life.
Here are some enlightening quotes on the subject of Tantra:"Most People are unclear about what Tantra really is and what it can do for you. Probably the most common view is that Tantra has some connection with Oriental religion, with uninhibited sex, and with the lovemaking positions and techniques outlined in the Kama Sutra, Hinduism’s oldest sex manual.
To some, Tantra is a free-love cult, a survival of the psychedelic sixties; to others, it’s New Age spiritual sex therapy, part of the California lifestyle, a slice of 1990s pop culture."None of these views of Tantra are wrong outright, but none really explain what Tantra actually is. So what is Tantra? What does it mean? And, most important of all, what is its relevance to us today?"The word Tantra is Sanskrit, the sacred language of Hinduism. It derives from the root word tan, which translates as “to extend, expand, spread, continue, spin out, weave; to put forth, show, or manifest.” Like the universe we inhabit, Tantra is continually expanding, spreading, and manifesting itself like a “cosmic weave,” made up of different energies. We are part of this weave, as are our forefathers and foremothers, all life, and every type of energy and matter. This includes thoughts, actions, and all physical matter.
"Because Tantra is a mystical subject, it is nearly impossible to define. Even eminent scholars have had a hard time explaining what Tantra actually is. The different explanations of Tantra indicate its multifaceted nature. Tantra is a spiritual science, which means it is also mystical, in its interconnectedness, the holistic wisdom link between ourselves and the universe we inhabit."
By embracing Tantra, we become more “real,” more “complete.” How? By recognizing and stimulating our inherent sensual spirituality, we discover parts of ourselves that have remained asleep or have been repressed. With Tantra, an energy is released that is evolutionary and “upwardly motivated.” We can learn to use this energy for pleasure, for achieving our worldly goals, and for aiding our spiritual evolution."
Familiarity with Tantra can help a person to enjoy life to the fullest. It can help do away with guilt or fear, break down self imposed or limiting cultural boundaries, and guide us in our search for solutions. Tantra teaches us to become familiar with our mystical nature, and when we do so, our boundaries expand. We enter into new domains of awareness. We become empowered, more fulfilled, and more perfect."